The Importance Of No

If you have spent any time around a toddler, you know the word “no” comes for them quite naturally and frequently. But as well grow older, saying no is more of an acquired skill. Eager to please the ones we love (or in some cases mere acquaintances) or just seem like decent people, we may find ourselves saying yes to too many requests.

The result is we may overextend ourselves, causing stress that can worsen pain and fatigue. Saying yes to too many requests also depletes our energy bank accounts without ever having the chance to do the things most important to us.

If you find yourself saying yes to too often, here’s some help with some ways to say no.

Make a trade

If someone asks you to do more than you can do, say no nicely by offering to do something else. For example, if you are asked to bake cookies for a holiday party, say, “Sorry, I won’t be able to bake cookies, but I would be glad to pick up some from a bakery.” If asked to take part in a walk for a worthwhile cause, say, “I’m not able to walk five miles myself, but I would be glad to make a contribution to someone who is walking.

Buy some time

If you find it hard to come up with an easy way to say no on the spot, let the person know you need to check your calendar, your spouse’s schedule, the availability of a babysitter, etc. Consider the request if it is something you might like to do, but either way get back to the person soon, so they find help from someone else if you can’t do it. Taking a few hours or a day to check on other commitments will let the person know you at least considered their request, which may be the next best thing to a yes

Explain your no

If asked to pick up a friend’s child from school, drive a coworker to meet a mechanic on your lunch hour or spend a Friday morning helping set up a neighborhood yard sale, say, “I would love to help out, but I already have a doctor’s appointment [or name your previous commitment] at that time.”

Be prepared

Simply say, “I would love to say yes but this isn’t a good time for me. I hope you will give me a raincheck and ask again.

Say maybe

If you feel you simply can’t do what is being requested of you now, but you think it might be something you could do in the future, say so. For example, “I have been in a lot of pain lately, so I’m really not up to hosting the book club this month. Maybe I will be able to host it another month.

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